I have had a hard time moving farther into the future at this point. I have pondered why that was. And the reality of the situation is mostly due to 2 things. 1) The struggles changed but did not end 2) The struggles have been hard to think through long enough to write about.
I decided to set the "schedule" to the beginning of the post as it will make more sense that way.
I hope to add more at some point, but for now this synopsis will have to do. After Hyrum's take down surgery at the age of 15 months in June 2008, we spent the next year getting Hyrum to start sleeping through the night. By the following January ish, I was struggling with my own health due to lack of sleep and diet. It's amazing how little you eat when your tired. John started seeing the "signs" that his job would not be around too much longer. This did not help the stress level. At the insistence of both my mother and sister, John hauled me off to Hawaii for 3 weeks, where I pretty much slept the entire time. Hyrum was doing well enough that we felt we could start to travel with the kids and had decided to go to Disneyland sometime in 2009. We presented the price to the kids and they decided that they would rather take the money and visit family. So in July, I took the 4 kids and my parents (John stayed behind to work) and we spent 3 weeks visiting Jonathan, Martha, Palmyra, and other LDS historical sites along the way. A month before this vacation, John sat me down and explained that his job would be gone by the end of the year if not sooner. I still could go on this vacation, but to know that the money could give us a month worth of wage to live off of. Having struggled with depression and (mostly) lack of sleep, I felt that I needed this vacation to visit my siblings before the "storm of life" hit our family. I still to this day do not regret this vacation. It was so needed for me to feel my siblings love for me in person. It was a turning point in my personal outlook and health. And Hyrum for his part did great for his first road trip.
By fall, I decided to get my Certified Nursing Assistance Certification (a 2 week course) and by February 2010 I started working at a hospital in Salt Lake on their Surgical/Transplant floor. By this time our savings was gone. John was attempting to start a business with a colleague, but the market took a nose dive and it was not looking good. I was working 60 hours a week or 5 nights a week to keep ourselves afloat. By August, John got his first contract. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough that I was able to move back to 3 nights a week. And within the year, he got a second contract the enabled me to move to 2 nights a week...just enough to keep the health insurance going.
In the fall of 2011, John received a huge spiritual blow when he was reprimanded for not supporting his local church leaders. This started by unneeded lies about John, that we are grateful that our Bishop sided with us and helped us through a difficult time that still effects John horribly. We finally had enough of being around these people, so when the opportunity arouse we moved from Lehi to West Point to be closer to family. This was a hard move for all of us. Rachel didn't want to leave her friends, but was excited about a Charter School she would be attending, Sarah was very upset to be leaving her friends and in fact almost flunked 7th grade to "spite" us, she has since found new friends and is getting wonderful grades in school. Karl had the hardest time as we have decided that he does not do well with change. We didn't find out until later, but he had a difficult time with bullies at school. We are glad that he was in shape and (unfortunately) did a great job at defending himself until the kids left him alone. Hyrum did the best as he was so glad to live so close to grandparents.
Shortly after the move, I decided I had enough working the floor and when the chance came to work as a Clerk on the same floor, I was cross trained and enjoyed doing the paperwork end of the floor. I was getting tired of working with the patients. They seemed to be getting harder and the hospital was demanding that we had more patients at a given time. As I was working on my house, I found my body could not do both. This became a relaxing time for me as I was able to sit and do paper work instead of running around dealing with patients.
In looking for housing, we decided that living within walking distance of one of our parents was the most important thing, so when a house came up close to my parents we jumped at the house (especially since not a lot of houses go up for sale in that area). The house though was a dump. We (mostly me) spend 9 months replacing walls, the kitchen, bathrooms, floors etc. I have posted pre- pictures if you look for them. The house was a huge stress for John, as it was smaller than our Lehi house which we felt was already too small. But our 2.6 acres helped give John a place to distress.
After commuting to Salt Lake through one winter, I decided to finally transfer hospitals. So in November of 2013, I started working as a CCT (Critical Care Tech) in the ER at McKay Dee Hospital. The change was extremely difficult as I realized that I'm not much different from Karl and I don't like change very well. I have worked hard to find new friends and to find my place in my new work settings. I am surprised with myself, growing up I never wanted to be in a medical career, and in fact was told I wouldn't do well in the medical career. But I have learned that when it comes to real life, I don't have a problem jumping in and getting things done. I am thanked constantly for my compassion and empathy with my patients. I do not mind working with the patients as the turn around is much faster and I don't have to bathe anyone.
I would never have put our life where it is now. I would have never guessed that we would be struggling financially, spiritually, I'm exhausted all the time. The kids are growing fast, and I feel that I am missing out even though I only work 2 days (or sometimes nights) a week. I feel a unrest, but yet every time I pray to fix this, I feel that I am where I am supposed to be. How is that possible to feel that I'm not where I should be, but yet feel so much peace at where I am.
It was stressful watching Hyrum go through his struggles, but the last 5 years have been so stressful in other areas, that I feel very overwhelmed.
